Silly New Year Resolution Generator

These are examples. Click Generate for your official certificate.

1. I pledge to name every single one of my houseplants like they’re medieval knights.
2. From now on, I will dramatically whisper “plot twist” before opening the fridge.
3. I promise to stop arguing with inanimate objects… out loud.
4. I pledge to stop pretending I enjoy choosing passwords.
5. I will stop pretending I didn’t see someone I definitely saw.
6. I will stop looking at the weather like I can negotiate with it.
7. I promise to say “bold choice” when someone orders differently.
8. I will stop standing up and immediately forgetting why.
9. I pledge to stop searching for the perfect resolution.
10. I will stop making facial expressions at inanimate objects.
11. I will stop trusting anything described as “family sized”.
12. From now on I will stop trusting chairs without testing them.
13. I will apologise to furniture less, but not stop entirely.
14. I will count to ten every time I stroke a hamster.
15. From now on I will stop saying “that’s weird” when it’s not.
16. From now on I will nod seriously at things I don’t understand.
17. I will treat traffic cones like they’re enforcing rules.
18. I will count stairs out loud like it’s vital information.
19. I promise to quietly respect automatic doors doing their best.
20. From now on I will take dramatic pauses before sitting down.
21. I pledge to respect randomly generated life choices.
22. I pledge to stop underestimating geese with confidence.
23. I pledge to treat queues like competitive sports.
24. I pledge to stop expecting pens to cooperate immediately.
25. I promise to let a goal generator surprise me.
26. I will commit to a silly New Year goal because it made me laugh.
27. I promise to tickle my own feet daily and reflect on it.
28. I will resolve this year to stare out of windows thoughtfully.
29. I will set a New Year goal to count down for unnecessary reasons.
30. I promise to consider snacks a form of planning.
31. I pledge to inspect mugs for personality traits.
32. I will set a New Year goal to applaud myself for remembering things.
33. I promise to practise my signature for no reason.
34. I will choose an easy resolution and act surprised it worked.
35. I will choose a silly New Year goal and defend it passionately.
36. I pledge to trust the button every time.
37. From now on I will nod at ladders like they outrank me.
38. I promise to defer to cats who refuse eye contact.
39. From now on I will generate my random New Year resolution instead of choosing.
40. I promise to stick to a silly New Year resolution with misplaced confidence.
41. I will treat my funny New Year resolution like a strong suggestion.
42. I pledge to adopt a random New Year resolution and see what happens.
43. I promise to choose a funny New Year resolution and defend it publicly.
44. I promise to stop whispering “wow” at mildly adequate things.
45. I will stop holding my breath while thinking.
46. I will treat a funny New Year resolution as destiny.
47. I will resolve this year to pause thoughtfully before clicking buttons.
48. I will make it my resolution to greet mirrors politely.
49. I promise to stop saying “sir” to dogs.
50. I will nod approvingly at well-behaved bins.
51. I pledge to stop believing printers have good intentions.
52. From now on I will respect the power of the mute button.
53. From now on I will assume dogs understand more than me.
54. I promise to stop doubting the authority of seagulls.
55. I will acknowledge pigeons standing on one leg as experts.
56. I pledge to stop trusting bags labelled “strong”.
57. From now on I will treat umbrellas as unreliable colleagues.
58. I promise to respect squirrels that refuse to move.
59. I will assume pigeons in groups are holding meetings.
60. From now on I will treat cardboard boxes as real estate.
61. From now on I will abandon plans with confidence.
62. I promise to start again without changing anything.
63. I will create a checklist and ignore the first item.
64. I pledge to complicate solutions out of habit.
65. From now on I will consider this a learning experience.
66. I promise to begin “fresh” repeatedly.
67. I will trust instincts formed five seconds ago.
68. I will commit to a silly New Year resolution I immediately question.
69. From now on I will narrate snacks like a cooking show.
70. From now on I will schedule thinking time and miss it.
71. I promise to consider pros and cons and ignore both.
72. I will wait for the right moment and overshoot it.
73. I will gasp quietly when automatic doors open.
74. I pledge to treat weather apps like vague suggestions.
75. I promise to stop arguing with sat navs out loud.
76. I will assume every button is the wrong one.
77. I pledge to stop pretending time zones make sense.
78. From now on I will accept that socks have free will.
79. From now on I will respect the disappearance of teaspoons.
80. I promise to assume every cat is executing a plan.
81. I promise to pick my resolution using the internet.
82. I will treat my New Year goals like vague rumours.
83. I pledge to let a random goal decide my personality.
84. From now on I will stop choosing and start generating.
85. I promise to accept whatever resolution appears first.
86. I will use a silly goal generator and call it planning.
87. I pledge to thank my phone for surviving another day.
88. From now on I will eat toast whilst impersonating a mouse.
89. I promise to open cupboards with confidence, even when unsure.
90. I will commit to pausing music like something serious is happening.
91. I pledge to stare at earwigs until they feel uncomfortable.
92. From now on I will choose mugs based on emotional compatibility.
93. I promise to sigh before answering questions I asked myself.
94. I will commit to checking pockets even when they aren't mine.
95. I pledge to treat minor decisions like official announcements.
96. From now on I will wait for the microwave to finish completely.
97. I promise to reread my own messages for tone analysis.
98. I will commit to opening apps and immediately forgetting why.
99. I pledge to nod approvingly at progress bars.
100. From now on I will accept that this counts as effort.